Just for a laugh

[Logan]

 

[Logan]

 

[Logan]

We went to see the Red Arrows last weekend. There was near miss after near miss, and screams of “oooooohhh” and “aaaaaaahhhhh”.
But eventually my wife managed to park the car, and we saw the show.

 

[Logan]

 

[Sheal]

 

[Zigs]

We left little Johnny aged 3, alone with a Jigsaw.

When we came back he'd cut all his fingers off.

 

[Logan]

 

[Tetters]

View attachment 671

Is ok - white boy not notice!

 

[granjera]

I like this one, though I'm also a little embarrassed by how this almost seems possible in these parts.

 

[Logan]

 

[Anniekay]

I love this thread!!

All I have is a joke I remember hearing when I was in Maine, so here it is:

This old couple, Martha and Stumpy, went to the Maine State fair. Stumpy was all enthused at seeing that they had plane rides so, he says to Martha, in his Maine accent: " Look Martha, they gut plane rides ! I really wanna go fa a plane! " Oh Stumpy, " she says, " that must cost a lotta money ! "
Stumpy starts begging her: " But Martha, I'm neigh onta 80 yea-ahs old and I wanna go up in a plane ' fo-ah I die ! "

Martha says: "Oh, okay, go see how much it costs, then. Stumpy returns and says: " Come on Martha, let's go for that plane ride". Martha replies: " Hold on there Stumpy, how much does it cost? " Ten dollars, he says. TEN DOLLARS!! Stumpy, 10 dollars is 10 dollars!! We can't afford that !! she says.

Now every time Stumpy disagrees, Martha just repeats: 10 dollars is 10 dollars, over and over again.

Meanwhile, the Pilot is overhearing all this and he comes over and offers to take them up for free. There's just one stipulation: neither one can utter a sound the whole time they're in there or else they' ll have to pay. They both agree they can do that, so in the plane they go.

The Pilot takes them up and the first thing he does is a couple of tail spins, then a few nose dives and then a couple of loop-de- loops. Nothing, not a word out of either one. The Pilot is determined to get his money so he goes at it again: more nose dives, tailspins and loop- de- loops.

Pilot lands the plane, turns to Stumpy and he says: " How did you do it? How could you stay quiet through all of that? "

Stumpy says: " Well, I was gonna say sumpthin' when Martha fell out, but 10 dollars is 10 dollars !

 

[Logan]

A man was working in the garden, and his wife was about to take a shower.
He realized that he couldn't find the rake and yelled up to his wife. "Where is the rake?"
She couldn't hear, and she yelled back, "What?"
He pointed to his eye and then pointed to his knee and made a raking motion.
His wife wasn't sure and said, "What?"
He repeated the gestures. "EYE - KNEED - THE RAKE"
His wife replied that she understands and signals back.
She first points to her eye, next she points to her left breast, points to her backside, and finally to her crotch.
Well, there is no way in hell he could even come close to that one.
Exasperated, He went upstairs and asked her, "What the hell was that?"
She replies:
"EYE - LEFT TI*T - BEHIND - THE BUSH!!!”

 

[Logan]

 

[Logan]

 

[Dirtmechanic]

 

[Logan]

 

[Logan]

 

[Zigs]

I bought a pack of Wilkinson Swod razors.

I think they might be counterfeit.

 

[Sheal]

 

[Logan]